Sunday, March 8, 2015

YM's MT & R: #MAKEITHAPPEN.. SOCIETY PLEASE CUT WOMEN SOME SLACK....

Hello people..Hope everyone is doing great in their various parts of the world.It's International Women's day and this year's theme is #MakeITHappen. 

Women are a force to reckon with and are making happen around the world but there seems to be a continuous reminder (for lack of a better word) of what a women should or should not be doing. 

Society, please cut women some slack! I think regardless of what women do people will still talk..Everywhere you turn are numerous articles and discussions about "What a woman should do" A woman should x, y or z short of solving a quadratic equation with various variables..


OK there goes my long rant.......

Girls are brought up to be nice..And without expecting them to date or express themselves sexually suddenly expected to marry by a certain age..A woman should be xxx to attract man, date and marry. A woman should marry by xxx age..A woman should be a perfect wife who can be a therapist, baby making machine, psychologist, operations manager, ego massager, chef, support your goals and dreams till she dies supporter etc etc.Ahh ahhh...

...why you di dress so, All this plenty book na for weti? You no go marry? Why you never born pikin...Hmm only girls? Wuna need chop chair oh.etc etc.Does it ever end?? 

Regardless of how women make the best of themselves..It seems being a strong, educated and empowered women is still frowned upon.. Add Feminist to the mix then you have just committed the biggest crime on earth. 

And this because of....

Society's  Expectation from Women & One Sided Preaching... 
Please why is everyone preaching to one side of the choir? What is expected from men? I think if 1/4 of what is expected of women is expected from men. Please don't get me wrong I am not shooting  all men.... but it is just amazing to read some of the opinions of men about women in 2015. [or is it me and my thinking?? ]Sometimes it seems education, empowerment and emancipation are the worst things that happened to Women. 

Parenting? 
I like this status update by Founder & Editor of Perception, Nono Nkele

Shame our Parents mothers particularly raised and taught us {daughters} to be strong opinionated women, stand up for what is right and not accepted and not be sward by archaic norms and stand up for our selves, fairness, justice, non yes men worshipers ,have our own careers et al but unfortunately neglected to teach their sons how to relate to the strong women they raised.. Who do we blame the mothers or the often absent fathers?

I have always thought this is a point of disconnect..So we went to Beijing and forgot to raise the sons to deal with this? My comment on this thread was 

I have always thought that this is the point of disconnect. Sons need to be raised to deal with the strong woman! Massa both. Because the same father will tell his daughter to thrive for the best but castigate her for leaving an abusive marriage!

I think it still boils down to different expectations.

Patriarchy?

tell that one to some people. v sad! even the prized male child is just a polished trophy when it comes down to eat. even mothers will prefer them because of the security they are associated with - Ngum Ngafor, Blogger at Africally Speaking.

It's a man's world. Deal with it. I love this storify by Social Entrepreneur & Africa's Tweet Queen, Kathleen Ndongmo which highlights Patriarchy. 

Storify #2:Unlearning #sexism: Why men must dismantle the default sexism in THEIR LIVES







Women On Women? 
"Can we draft a joint resolution to drop the crazy-making expectation that we must all be perfect friends and perfect mothers and perfect workers and perfect lovers with perfect bodies who dedicate ourselves to charity and grow our own organic vegetables, at the same time that we run corporations and stand on our heads while playing the guitar with our feet?"  Quoting na article by Elizabeth Gilbert. Read  "The Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself -- And All The Women Around You" 



This post by Au Letch on Facebook  just speaks my mind to the nth factorial.




And it ends....
WOMAN means :
W - WONDERFUL MOTHER
O - OUTSTANDING FRIEND
M - MARVELLOUS DAUGHTER
A - ADORABLE SISTER
N - NICEST GIFT TO MEN FROM GOD
.



It is not easy to be a woman!!

The next time any one wants to put a woman down whether married, single mum, single..Please just for a minute think about what  some of the s***women have to deal with..No one talks about 

- The struggle and challenge in dealing with men in the name of "person di find massa"....
- The emotional baggage some women carry around because of a childhood rape experience
- The stress that single women go through because of society's constant gaze.
- The emotional, psychological and physical abuse that women go through and are just meant to manage
- The Emotional trauma  after a miscarriage
- The Postpartum depression after childbirth
- The mental stress some women go through trying to conceive for one reason or other and worst if they are dealing with a health condition like fibrosis.
- The general balancing and juggling act of playing multiple roles 

And the list goes on and on...
And because we [Camers, Africans] generally shy away from discussing  Mental Health issues, these things just get thrown other the rug..

Why Women's Day? 
Picture Courtesy of the Independent

I totally understand why some people don't buy the hype about women's day..We talk and jubilate about Women's rights for a day..then life continues. Somewhere..A girl is  refused a chance to go to school, married off or sold off to prostitutute. A woman dies at child birth, get past for a promotion as she climbs the corporate ladder and  stay at home mothers don't get enough recognition for doing what they do...and the list goes on...I have always been vocal about anything  related women may be because I am in male dominated profession and  the struggle is both in my career and normal life. 

I love today's Women's day posts by Find Palava Woman [Making it happen or taking it too far] and the HotJem [Happy Women's Day..One love at a time]


Courtesy of the Hotjem

#MakeITHappen.Thrive to be happy and make things happen.

Just #MakeItHappen

Y.M.
IRepCamer


7 comments:

  1. #BonFete!
    This article really resonate some of my thoughts. Men are not taught on how to treat a woman. Including the society. If you notice a man treating a lady right. It will be that she is controlling, witchcraft, woman wrapper.
    Men are really taught to be disrespectful and dishonest towards women. For that reason most of them reign because they have a free conscience and succeed in life. Note the rhetoric question "why do selfish people succeed? "
    Women are taught that you know that you are a woman na. You will depend on a man. These same men who will have families of their own and tell you in future it's their family that's their soul responsibility. These same men who wouldn't sacrifice like you do.
    And it's always the woman's fault.
    To an extent I love the pep talk (in Being Mary Jane) the dad gave to the protagonist about what she wants in life. Stop worrying about others, & perfectionism. Take care of herself.
    Due to frustration some women join the bandwagon to torment other women whom they are envious because they didn't have the courage to stand up for themselves.

    The society has a mindset of it's own on picking on folks . At the moment women seem to be down the food chain. You should you should... For this reason commercial marketing strategy targets women. Some households look like a mini supermarket.

    God created a helpmate not a SLAVE.

    Joan

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    1. Gbammm..You hit the nail in the head with the points you raised.To me.God created a mate!

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    2. I just got inspired by TV shows to do a show about the issues some of these shows raise that people don't want to talk about..i.e. Being Mary Jane and Empire.

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  2. Beautiful Yefon! As I read the Nigerian case study, I recalled a tragedy that happened last year in Cameroon. A woman was accosted by her estranged husband (she’d left their home a couple of months back) at her place of work: the military man pulled out his gun and blew her brains before killing himself. I remember shaking my head painfully when I read comments on Facebook like "she probably cheated on him: why would a woman run away from marriage after barely 2 years? If she didn't persevere, she was a gold digger. Even if he cheated, he's a man!" That came from a man! I was shocked to the bones when in a gathering, a fellow woman said, she heard the woman had been unfaithful (which wasn't the case); and when I asked why the unfaithful man did not have his brains blown out she retorted "na normal ting say man must cheat".
    Cut women some slack really! I love your figure "A Real Woman is Whatever She chooses to Be". My mom and I were having a chat some days ago, mostly appalled by the sorts of comments young, pseudo enlightened, educated men make about women: their expectations and what have you. It's disheartening! It's a tough world out there and we need to assert ourselves. A male friend of mine said to me, men usually get away with shit because women let them. Not just their women, but other women. You walk out of an emotionally/physically abusive relationship, other women jeer at you for not “persevering” long enough and before you know it, your best friend walks right into your shoes. You stand up to your husband when he's wrong, his mom cautions you instead of talking to him. We got to start from somewhere: value yourself, treat people with respect, treat other women with respect and do not sacrifice your self-worth at the altar of anything. And for the mothers or future mothers - raise your sons properly. Obliterate that sickening mantra that women are on this earth to dance to the tune of men. As you raise your daughters to aspire to perfection (whatever that means), raise your sons to be humane gentlemen. I rest my case!

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  3. Layih..Thanks so for detailed comment! You raise pertinent points .I remember this incident since some people I know, knew this couple personally.(Very Sad RIP)..And the cheating comment could easily have come from a women..and it rightly did in your gathering. These comments from what you rightly said..supposedly educated and enlightened men about women actually inspired this post.Your friend is spot on..For me we take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back whenever a women tries to make excuses for a man or condone crap behavior. I tire for the matter. #EGoBetter..I already sound like a broken record and will keep sounding like one.
    Yef

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  4. How did I miss this? Society really need to cut women some slack.
    You are so spot on on all the points raised and the comments solidifies the plight of women.
    When we as women start supporting womankind and men are raised to treat women with the love and respect they deserve, things will be better. Until then, we can only keep raising the awareness.

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    Replies
    1. We will just keep raising awareness...

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